I don’t know about you, but I would like to grow old in a place where I had control over my day, where my choices were honored, and where my needs were met, in the event that I couldn’t take care of myself. And, oh yes, I would also want to be valued and respected.
Now I’m not talking about my current situation—in which I’m growing older, as opposed to growing old. During the growing older part, my contemporaries and I are fully able to direct our lives and take care of our basic needs. But we are all aware that the situation may change when we are truly old.
We’ve all heard stories about how some cultures treat their old people. Myths, legends, and truths abound—from the exporting of elders on ice flows in the Arctic to the deference given to elders in China. How people value their oldest members is a test of how a society functions.
There are vast differences in how societies across the world treat their older citizens. Some revere and respect them, contracting to keep them in their care at home, and crediting them with wisdom as they age. Other cultures put their parents in homes in the care of others, out of sight and sometimes out of mind.
What Some Cultures Do
In East Asia, people are bound by a Confucian principle of filial piety, assuring moral respect and life-long responsibility for their ancestors. China, for example, has an “Elderly Rights Law“, which states that adult children should never neglect their elders, going so far as to decree that they must visit them ‘often’. Singapore has laws which govern the rights of old people to be supported by their children financially. And Japan, where the culture is deeply rooted in traditional values, has official celebrations to mark 60th and 70th birthdays of the elderly.
In some countries in Europe, respect for elders is accepted and expected. In the Mediterranean, where it is also common for extended families to live together under one roof, the name ‘old man’ is a term of endearment. In France, Article 207 of the French Civil Code was passed in 2004, requiring that adult children “keep in touch” with their elderly parents.
And in India and Nepal, it is a tradition for children to touch the feet of their elders—a way to show respect for them, and a request for their blessings. In those countries a newlywed couple frequently moves in with the groom’s family, in what is known as a patriarchal living arrangement.
On our own continent, in some African-American families, grandparents tend to live with their children. In that culture, old age is respected and celebrated. As Karen H. Meyers reports in The Truth About Death and Dying, ‘African-American funerals tend to be life-affirming and to have a celebratory air intermingled with the sorrow.’
Oh, to be in Sweden!
Yet none of these situations compare with the regard given older persons in Sweden, where respect is translated into life-affirming action.
It is no wonder that life expectancy there is among the highest in the world (79.9 for men and 83.7 for women). Most elderly care is funded by municipal taxes and government grants, and subsidized healthcare costs are a given, with only 4 per cent of the cost financed by patients.
All Swedish citizens are entitled to a national retirement pension after they retire. (average retirement age today is 64.5). Altogether, 71 per cent of pensioners’ total income is derived from the public pension system, with a average national retirement pension in 2014 at SEK 11,093 per month ($1261.00 US). In addition to this pension, most people employed in Sweden also get an occupational pension, based on contributions made by their employers. As well, many retirees also choose to supplement their retirement benefits with private pension savings.
Care and Exercise-The Enlightened Way!
Elders who live in their own homes are given various types of support, such as home-delivered ready cooked meals, municipally funded around the clock, home-help services, and even transportation in adapted vehicles.
Considerable efforts are made to reduce injuries from falls—special municipal ‘fixers’ help with things like curtain-hanging and changing light bulbs in the home. Physical activity is encouraged and provided—and can be prescribed as a form of treatment, sometimes in combination with medication, with doctors monitoring the results.
Shifting Economies May Dictate Change
Of course, all of the examples I’ve written about are subject to change as shifting economic forces reshape the fortunes of all citizens. Adult children may move hundreds of miles away from their parents as countries urbanize, and cultures destabilize. In some places state-run elderly care programs replace family involvement, and in others private care homes become necessary. Sweden’s quality of care may prove to be unsustainable in the future, and adaptations will need to be made.
Still, I am left with a wistful feeling about our care of old people—it seems we could do better. What appears to be happening, especially in America, is a change in the political will to improve the status of elders—instead, recent gains made in the past few years, seem to be under attack.
In India, where I am growing older gracefully, many situations can be found. Each dependent on circumstances, usually financial and or geographic. While it is true that elders are revered mostly, modern life demands often make growing up a very lonely process. I am lucky in that I have my son and daughter in law living with me in my house which my son will inherit when I pop off. Many of my friends and relatives live alone and particularly when one spouse is no more, it is tragic. Communities for seniors are mushrooming all over and if one can afford it, the seniors can move into them and lead a reasonably cheerful and carefree life there.
You express an optimistic view of Senior Communities. Some seniors I know have similar opinions, but some would rather have any other situation! Your situation seems ideal, given that you most likely have a good relationship with your son and daughter-in-law. Many older people here try to stay in their own homes as long as possible—without the “Aging in Place” benefits found in Sweden!
Here is something that I came across just today which elaborates on the lonely process about which I had commented earlier.
https://qz.com/936397/indias-seniors-are-so-lonely-theyre-renting-grand-kids-for-company/
Thanks, Rummuser. I haven’t read the article yet (busy answering emails!), but the the link name is intriquing!
I enjoyed reading this thoughtful, honest description of aging in the modern world.
Thank you, Maggie. I hope my ruminations and ideas are helpful. After all, I benefit from this exercise as well. I remember an old adage from my teacher training days, “If you want to learn something really well, teach it to someone!”
Your summation is sadly true especially in light of POTUS move to defund meals on wheels.
I was FURIOUS when I heard about that! The ramifications go far beyond the convenience of having meals prepared and delivered. Meals on Wheels people check up on seniors, advise agencies about situations they find, and prevent isolation. How stupid to cancel funding!
Stupid to cancel Meals on Wheels funding, yes, but then he is a stupid man – and this is most certainly not his MOST ignorant idea. Hopefully, with what is coming out in the news of late, we won’t have to put up with his horrid nonsense for the entire 4 years.
Jumped over from last Wednesday’s Senior Salon, btw.
I stopped visiting the links page early Thursday AM because I thought the Salon closed at the end of the day. I went back only to grab a link – and saw your name among several who posted later.
Interesting discourse – and, since November, my answer would have been “Almost anywhere but America!” After reading your informative post, however, I now vote for SWEDEN.
Alas, unless I win the lottery, I am probably going to live out the rest of my days where I have lived my life – in the used-to-be-good-ole USA. Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
“It takes a village to transform a world!”
My husband and I are both in our mid-seventies and I really don’t know what will happen with one of us dies. The other will probably stay in place for as long as possible and then… who knows? Life is uncertain and things are changing rapidly. 🙁
It’s such a huge topic, and one which we are thinking about more and more as we advance in age. My husband and I are preparing our condo for every eventuality, but we know we can’t be 100% sure we can stay here until the end.
My husband and I have talked about this often. We don’t have children (not that that’s a guarantee), so we’ll probably have to rely on non-relatives to manage our care. We hope to be able to stay in our home as long as possible (we are in our early 60s now, so no issues at this point), but most likely one or both of us will have to live somewhere else at some point. Maybe we can move to Sweden and apply for citizenship. 🙂
I hope you can be together! ‘Ageing in Place’ sounds wonderful, but the more I read about it, the more I realize there are real challenges.
We’re hoping to continue aging in place. As I understand it, Sweden has enormously high taxes to pay for the subsidies. Here our taxes are a lot lower and long-term care insurance is expensive. We pay a lot for ours, but it’s supposed to cover in-home care.
Yes, taxes are very high in Sweden. We have extremely high taxes here as well, and I can’t say that our money goes to a good cause such as providing security for our people. Rather, I think it is badly managed—a bone of contention with me!
How bad are your taxes? Are they worse than in the U.S.?
It depends on your income, but I think 30% is reasonable for most average income earners.
Hi Diane,
Wow! I am amazed to learn about the ways the other cultures you wrote about treat their elders. I knew American culture did this poorly, but I didn’t know HOW poorly. Oh to be in Sweden! Thank you for researching this topic and presenting it. All your readers will learn a lot. One culture you didn’t mention, that I have a little experience with, is native people in North America. Among the tribes I have visited– the Ojibwe, Lakota, Dakota, and Navajo–elders are well treated. They are always given chairs to sit in, served first at meals by others who bring a filled plate to them, asked for advice, asked to speak first at meetings, etc. Their knowledge is honored by younger people. European Americans could learn a lot from native people. Thanks for your post!
Rin, our treatment of our First Nations people are a blotch on our cultural history—I’m not at all proud of it. Just a bit of background…Church and State conspired to remove thousands of little children from their natural homes during the 1950s, all in the interests of providing them with a ‘better’ standard of living, so they said. In essence, what occurred was the virtual destruction of their way of life. Their family lives were disrupted and fractured. Children and parents suffered terribly. They are gradually recovering. It has taken decades, and should be the subject of another blog, which I hope to write someday.
Thank you Diane for this most interesting and relevant article. I’m moving to Sweden.. Keep’ em coming.. P&L Jasmin
Me too, Peter! Give or take a few years!
I began thinking of this topic when in my forties helping my mother to “live in place” as was her wish. She was legally blind but had long since adapted. Then she had a stroke affecting her balance. She had to use a walker. That was when I discovered how lacking in available support systems we were to augment what I was able to do since I was raising small children, my husband had some challenges of his own, I was training for a career. One benefit of the Boomer generation numbers was they increased the loudness of my generations voice so more services gradually became available. Meanwhile, as I’ve aged, become a widow, I’ve assessed my situation for “aging in place” along the way. Adjusting to living alone is most challenging when I become ill. All my needs can be met in several different ways if I cease to be able to drive — several modes of transportation are available, can have home delivery for groceries & pharmaceuticals, then there’s the internet on which everything else can be purchased. Various handyman/licensed professionals identified and used. Even found a “Girl Friday” to fulfill required accompaniment following colonoscopy. May eventually need housekeeping and then there is the unknown possibility of increased health care needs, the degree of which would have bearing on what will be necessary. But life is a gamble.
I think I’ll be able to navigate that and, if not, we’ll do what is necessary as I’ve told my children who live in other states — cold climates to which I choose not to move despite being wanted by them. I might add, retirement communities with all levels of care are available to me here — very nice ones — among the best, in which I’ve provided services — they have some advantages but there are also negatives so it’s a trade off. Each person has to determine what will be best for them. I prefer “living in place”. Knowing it is more cost effective for our government if most people were helped to remain in their homes than shipped off to community residences nursing homes, our nation’s system is sadly lacking that our legislators have not addressed this issue.
Living in my own home as long as possible is by far the most attractive alternative for me as well. That’s why I was so encouraged by the report about Sweden’s handling of this issue. Seems they know how to do it right! Thanks, Joared, for your comprehensive comment!
Here in the UK the government’s approach is to gradually raise the retirement age, so that we all have to work longer. That’s possibly a fair reflection of increased life expectancy, but pensions have been put under a lot of pressure in recent years and will not be paying as much in future. The state pension is being reworked, and will provide some with an improvement on what they would have had. But as even that only represents under half of what is deemed to be the minimum living wage many will suffer hardship. Those who go into care have to use up most of their savings before any contribution is made to their costs. I’m glad I contributed to an occupational pension all my working life so that I could (just) afford to retire at 60 – future generations won’t be so fortunate.
You are correct—future generations will be less likely to have a pension attached to their years of work. Many of today’s young people work part time or on contract, so employers don’t pay benefits. Not very secure, I know!
I’m hoping to age in place, in my little house about a mile from my son and his family, in a north Denver suburb. If there’s to be anything after this, a group home or assisted living or something like that, I’d just as soon not be here.
Your situation sounds ideal. My daughter lives in my city, but my son is a long ferry ride away. I see them as often as I can. I love my condo, and can’t imagine living in a seniors’residence!
Another thoughtful essay, Diane. Thanks.
Thank you, Neil!
With program like Meals on Wheels and subsidized lunch programs potentially under attack, families will need to step up again to take care of their own!
It’s a big shame that those programs are under attack. Whatever is wrong with those people? (You know who I mean!)
Too bad we aren’t as enlightened as the Swedes here in the U.S. I have money to live in my own home, but living in a retirement home with either independent living, nursing help or full time care is far more expensive. When I look at alternatives for that time when I won’t be able to stay at home, I just get depressed.
It’s a worry, for sure. I’m doing some research on what it means to ‘age in place’, and some of the resources that may be available. Thanks, Virginia, for input.
What an excellent and informative post. A topic I’ve been pondering more and more in recent years. No matter what age we are it should be a given that we are still treated like we were at a younger age, listened to, respected for our opinions etc..but I also think our own attitude has a lot to do with this. We need to stay current, in the loop, healthy and engaged.
Being current is more and more important as we age. I know some older people become disengaged as they age, and that is understandable, but in these quickly changing times, we can’t afford to do that! Thanks for your comment, Geraldine!
My boss’s mother, 83, has had several accidents this year, and recently drove over a cliff, saved only by a tree. I was shocked how many people found this funny, her steady decline is not amusing to me. Perhaps it is how some cope. I wish to grow old with my feet in the South Pacific, with joy.
Yes, a great dream…hope it comes true!
Hi Diane….I am just getting around to reading this post (better late than never!) and it brought up a couple of thoughts for me. I agree that the temptation is to “age in place” becuase that sounds comfortable and familiar, but most people (at least the baby boomers that I am speaking with) are workign to make sure that will work best for them. I think other cultures (all those you mention) are far more used to living in close quarters and sharing aspects to life. Here in the U.S. we so value our independence and privacy that in the long run, that may not serve us as we age. (and yeah, I’m talking about me here.) But with nearly 25% of women not having children and or finances, what will become of them? If they don’t make plans while they are relatively young and mobile, that decision will have to be made for them. That’s when people end up in dreadful places that sound horrible. Instead, those of us who are still quite capable and have resources might benefit most by rethinking the aging process and working toward more collaborate ways to live. That, or move to Sweden! Thanks for the thoughts.
It seems to be a human failing, Kathy—not to address things until we absolutely have to! Aging in place does sound to be the most attractive solution for many of us, but not always the most practical. The worst scenario, as you say, is to have the decision made for you, because you have left it too late. And sadly, that happens a lot! I really like the idea of living with a group of old friends, or same-age family members. The Swedish solution sounds great!
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