Fear of aging is such a futile exercise, and Boomers are not above being caught up in its destructive cycle. Some Boomer women are particularly susceptible, allowing an irrational fear of aging to deeply affect their lives.
Although the fear and anxiety may be legitimate, given the fact that today people are living longer and facing new challenges, articles like this one, by Michelle Burford, appearing in a 2005 issue of Oprah magazine, strike a special note of alarm:
“I am evermore conscious—fearful—of how life as a single woman might feel at 35. Forty-eight. Fifty-three. Sixty-nine. What if I turn out to be a penniless spinster, too senile to care for myself? How will I handle the ache, the space between episodes of intimacy? What if I haven’t squirreled away enough cash to buoy me through retirement? What if I never have a partner, children, or grandchildren to share my days with? What if I end up utterly alone?”
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. The Boomer generation of women set out to make a difference in modern society and bring about a wave of change.
What Boomer women saw, as they grew up
A few decades ago, when Boomers were children, they saw their grandmothers, women of the Greatest Generation, fulfill their lives by being good wives and mothers, ostensibly gaining satisfaction and respect within those roles. Since they weren’t expected to work outside of the home, there was little pressure to look young past their 40s and 50s.
Later, after the women’s movement in the 1960s, Boomer girls saw their mothers struggle with new social norms that not only made it possible for them to go to work, but also made divorce more prevalent.
It was this generation, the 50s woman, that responded to this new social reality by going under the surgeon’s knife to have procedures that they hoped would help them turn back the clock.
What Boomers swore they would never do
During the early years of the women’s movement, young women embraced being natural, living healthy, and finding their power. They vowed to never be captive in the trap of trying to be perfect, forever beautiful, forever pleasing others.
Writers like Joan Borysenko, PhD, author of Minding the Body, Mending the Mind and Inner Peace for Busy People, urged young women to develop their careers, so they wouldn’t be like June Cleaver, who expected a man to take care of her, saying, “The world doesn’t work that way anymore.” For women, this was the great cultural sea change.
Today, these Boomer women are approaching their late 60s and early 70s. They are independent, successful, and frequently divorced or single. With life expectancy now at 81, how do they view old age? Are they, like women in previous generations, as preoccupied with how they will look when they are old?
Some writers think not. Vivian Diller author of the book Face It: What Women Really Feel as Their Looks Change (Hay House, 2010), says this, when asked by Jill Krasny, writing for Next Avenue, “How do you think women feel about aging now?”
“They’re much more comfortable about not letting their looks matter so much that they’ll do things they regret They look at other options. We’re seeing a wave of women who, instead of doing anything dramatic to anti-age their faces, seem to think twice: staying fit through exercise, drinking less, eating well and wearing clothes and hairstyles that bring out their best qualities rather than trying to appear younger.”
What Boomer women really do
Perhaps Diller is too optimistic, since the latest numbers on the use of plastic surgery don’t bear this out. Instead, it appears, Boomer women are capitulating to fear of aging, and having more surgical procedures than ever before.
In September, 2016, Zwival, an online cosmetic consulting site, carried an article The Baby Boomer Boom in Plastic Surgery, citing job competition after the 2009 economic collapse as a reason for increased use of facial surgery. It was an eye-opener.
Evidently, Boomers are gravitating to new non-invasive treatments offered by doctors like Dr. Michael R. Burgdorf, who reports:
“Non-surgical facial rejuvenation has become a big trend, I think that’s because the latest round of fillers and toxins have made the procedures much less painful – and with minimal downtime they’re that much more attractive. Many patients are realizing they can have a very acceptable, natural looking result without major surgery or any significant downtime.”
Although that is somewhat reassuring, since these procedures are not as extreme as face-lifts, it doesn’t change the underlying dissatisfaction that prompts women to choose facial alteration. The role of plastic surgery in our society is too prevalent to ignore. What are the real fears behind its use? How can women face aging without resorting to it? Why can’t women find love, sex and meaning in other ways?
Or are we dreaming when we say women shouldn’t try to change themselves externally, and concentrate on what is natural and beautiful within?
Wow. Really good article. I’ve felt and considered many of the things in this piece. Botox for a less furrowed brow? Filler to ease those lines? It’s a struggle sometimes to accept yourself as you are when we live in a culture that venerates sexy, young and smooth. Age is going to happen, whether we shoot it up with Juviderm or not. At a certain point, to have peace in your heart, I think you have to embrace that age is part of the cycle, and that you can make it a terrible experience, or you can honor the nobility of the map that life has etched upon your face. I remember my grandmother, Julia with her long white hair and her crinkly eyes and weathered cheeks. As a girl, I couldn’t see her in any way but beautiful — because she lived in a kind and thoughtful way. I aspire to see myself that way and hope my nieces and nephews will too. Thanks for a provoking and well written essay.
I deliberated about writing this—such a touchy subject! But face augmentation is a choice many people are making, so it becomes a part of our culture, and a part of our lives. We are all working towards understanding it, and possibly being more sympathetic. More next week!
Look forward to part two, there are so many questions at this age. Really made me stop and think about them.
It’s not an easy subject to pursue, Grace, and I thought a lot about it before I took it on. I’ll get some flack, no doubt!
This is a most interesting topic and one in which I have put much thought, primarily because, as I lament the apparent aging of my own face and body, I have considered “perking things up” a bit with a few syringes of filler. When I contemplate what I am seeking by pursuing this type of procedure, it occurs to me that it is not so much myself who I wish to please and be accepted by, but those in my environment who make certain assumptions about me based upon what they see. So, in essence, I am trying to manipulate the impression that I make in order to be accepted and, perhaps, “liked.” Realizing this, Iam just appalled with myself and have decided to focus, instead, on going about my own business and associating, instead, with people who already accept me, wrinkles, age spots and all!
Botox and filler will become much more known in the near future, I think. It’s difficult to accept that our culture is STILL so unkind to the aging female form, but it’s a fact, especially if you make your living in any aspect of the media. I love your last sentence!
I think it’s an age-old argument – think of women you see regularly let’s say in their professional working life – they are dressed to the nines, make up, hair coloured and maybe even stilettos AND THEN one weekend you see them at the beach in their shorts, sneakers and t-shirt and no makeup, there hair loosely tied in a scarf – AND they are just somehow different. In fact, you mightn’t recognise them until they say “hi Cathy…” the voice you know the LOOK you don’t!
I used to wear make-up all the time…now I don’t, once I was looking for lipstick but when I looked at the price of the “wee stick” I went… “oh who cares about my lips?” 🙂
Probably now in a reformed life, of living it how I want…I just don’t need to be hyped up body/appearance wise. OK, I have good duds that I wear when I might be going somewhere special but they aren’t “dressing to the nines” ware…
You are on the right track, Cathy…being comfortable in your own skin!
It is SO much easier to be old here in Europe, where grey hair is totally accepted as normal for old people and there is so much less pressure to pretend you are not as old as you are. As an Englishwoman who has lived in the USA, has family there and still visits regularly, I am noticing these transatlantic differences more and more.
But as the demographics gradually shift, so that young people are in a minority in the USA–which is what is going to happen–I think things will change. Meanwhile, wearing your grey and your wrinkles proudly and walking tall is a form of activism. It is making a statement. It is fighting the horrible plague of ageism. The more women do that, the sooner the change will happen.
Marion, you have come up with the right word for it—it IS a plague!
I haven’t worn makeup in years and never got into high heels. I was too busy enjoying life to waste my time on image. Finding the right guy early on made a huge difference, of course.
I don’t wear high heels any more, and get dressed up less and less—but I do wear makeup, and don’t intend to stop! I certainly don’t do it for Bob, who says he loves me as I am…so I must do it for myself!
Maybe it depends on where you live. Pacific Northwesterners have a reputation for casual dress and little makeup. We’ll see. I don’t know anyone who has turned to botox or plastic surgery, except one friend who returned to the East Coast after these treatments.
It’s true about the West versus East in ‘dressing up’ rituals! Big cities may put more emphasis on facial perfection also. But the rule doesn’t always follow—look at Hollywood! LOL
While this is a very thoughtful post, why have you restricted yourself to women? I know men who are like this. They use wigs or go for hair transplant and plastic surgery. I am perhaps the only one who does not take a facial after having a hair cut in the saloon where I go for my hair cut.
Leaving that aside, ““I am evermore conscious—fearful—of how life as a single woman might feel at 35. Forty-eight. Fifty-three. Sixty-nine. What if I turn out to be a penniless spinster, too senile to care for myself? How will I handle the ache, the space between episodes of intimacy? What if I haven’t squirreled away enough cash to buoy me through retirement? What if I never have a partner, children, or grandchildren to share my days with? What if I end up utterly alone?” is as important a worry for men as it is for women.
Here, it is unusual for men and women to be left alone to fend for themselves in their old age, but modern values and distances have brought that also into our lives and I know of single men, suffering the thought as well as in practice. Women handle widowhood much much better than men do and I have personally seen widowers wither away mentally while their bodies live their allotted time frame.
Very thought=provoking comment, Rummuser! The statistics for plastic surgery for men and women is 15% of men to 85% women, so if that was a race, women would win! I do agree that men handle loss and loneliness worse than women—I have seen it in my family and friends, first hand. Fear of aging is real, though, and I don’t minimize it. I’m planning to discuss more aspects of it in next week’s blog. Thank for your loyal reading!
Sad to say, I have to acknowledge that there is less pressure on men. Don’t we see beauty in lines that define life?
Some do, but some are stuck in the old patterns of thought and belief, and can’t shake the emphasis on physical beauty. I agree that men and women are equally judged on attractiveness as they age. It’s more difficult to see the qualities within, so people don’t bother.
men always appear to have non-caring attitude “it is what it is…” but then I do know some men that care considerably about their body image and strive not to allow the “fat/other” to intrude in their lives… one of the minor options here in regards to baldness – is the total head shave!
The total head shave does seem to be a passable alternative…but in my view, there is nothing wrong with the kind of hair loss that results in a fringe around the back and side—looks really good on some men!
An interesting Part I on the topic. Plastic surgery and botox treatments, etc., are things I never considered for myself. Mainly because of the cost, but also because I just have never worried about how aging would affect my appearance. I placed it in the category “things I cannot change” and ignored it. Now that I am 71, I sometimes despair over my aging appearance, but I still can’t do anything about it but try to take care of my hair, wear basic makeup, and choose loose-fitting clothing. It is what it is.
I can tell from your writing that you lead an active and healthy life as well. I recall that the year I turned 70, I became quite conscious of my aging face, and took stock of the situation. I now stay out of the sun, and use sunscreen all summer, exercise and eat well. I use a little make up, and since my hair has not turned grey yet, except for a few strands around my face, I touch it up once a month. So I’m satisfied that I’m doing all I can, and leaving it at that! Life is pretty good, so I hope I reflect that on my face! You are a very philosophic person, so I’m sure you have developed your own healthy attitude about aging, Dr. Rin!
Hello there, Diane.
As a boomer, I have to say that growing older is no wonderful thing. It certainly isn’t good or wise to get depressed about the situation, since there’s nothing you can do about it, but it’s hard not to think about it.
One thing’s for sure. Namely, the best philosophy is “Onward!” — that helps to keep you “young.”
See you —
Neil S.
I subscribe to the philosophy that there is so much to look forward to each day, and actually life is so full that there doesn’t seem to be enough time to get it all in. “Onward” can be a sort of mantra to keep us focused! Thanks!
a fascinating post Diane!
I discovered a wonderful woman. she is Cindy Joseph and the leader of the “pro age revolution.” she can be googled by her name and easily found. her story is fascinating.
she has short videos of REAL woman who are spreading the word that we grow more valuable as we get older. they’re lovely. and very inspirational.
she had a career as a makeup artist to the stars and to super models.
one day in NYC she was ‘discovered’ at the age of 60 after letting her hair go silver and became a model herself. she is totally about being yourself and valuing that self. kind of a breath of fresh air in our current society and in America where the ‘culture of youth’ is worshiped. my Gram had beautiful silver hair. she looked like a grandmother! now it’s hard to tell if grandmothers are really grandmothers!
I’m 72 years old and was widowed at the age of barely 34. it took me until about the age of 41 to realize I was more interested in the inner me than the outer me! I got rid of my eyeliner that made such a difference in looking totally like someone other than myself! and I have felt freer than I ever did in my young years! it’s wonderful.
I did it cold turkey. I never work makeup other than the liner and some blush. I still wear the blush because whether I am or not it makes me look healthier! lol. 🙂
Cindy Joseph says to call your grey hair SILVER. because silver has value. and we have been brainwashed by the media to “cover your age. cover your grey hair. cover any wrinkles or signs of a life well lived!” it’s ludicrous how false values people have been fed for so many years here have been accepted! looking forward to your Part 2!
Thank you, tammy j! I’m busy writing today, but will take a moment to look her up. She sounds great!
What a wonderful article. I turned 72 last week. About a year ago I ‘let my hair go’ and was surprised at the positive comments. I did it because it was both expensive and also a part of a journey I am on to discover who I am. As a woman (and a PK [preachers kid]) I grew up happily pleasing. It was easy to know what was the next right thing. I loved my work in education and raising 3 children. Now, retired, I’ve been at a loss to find the actual ME inside. It’s as though I’m standing at the ready waiting for directions. This from a woman who is an ardent feminist!! I am afraid I preached to the choir and forgot to sit in the pew! Now I know what I look like. I wear a bracelet made for me and given to me for my birthday that has a Emerson quote: I am learning that what I choose is the real me.
Thanks for your insightful comment, Alexandra! You are right…most of us were brought up with the idea that you are what others thought of you. What a crock! I’m so glad you are making your own discoveries about yourself! And I love the idea of the bracelet!
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