If you are anything like Bob and me, and possibly like most other people, you like to eat out. We’ve developed the habit of going out for dinner every Sunday, just the two of us. It’s a way to connect over a nice meal, and enjoy each others’ company—a time to talk about things of interest only to us.
We didn’t make this decision lightly. We’re retired, and careful with our money, and we know how quickly eating out adds up! Also, we are both busy, and could find many things to do instead. But one day a couple of years ago, we took stock and realized that there was a sameness to our days, that our precious retirement was taken up with doing mundane things like working on accounts, cleaning house, running errands, and watching television. The weekends, something we both used to look forward to in our working days, were just another couple of days, with nothing planned. We both remember the Sundays of our younger days, when we used to dress up and go to church, have a special home-cooked meal afterwards. We no longer do this, for private reasons, but we both remember looking forward to Sunday, as a special day.
It’s easy to treat every Sunday as just another day. Most stores, gyms and libraries are open, business offices, banks and services are usually accessible by phone or online. The internet is always available, at the click of a mouse. And television, the biggest time-suck ever invented, is always there to eat up your day, should you become the least bit bored. So we decided to try this as an experiment, a way to spice up our lives, thinking that if we liked the idea, we could keep doing it, if not, it would be easy to abandon it and go on with our usual way of doing things.
We choose affordable restaurants mostly—yes there are still some out there! We’ve been to Frankie’s Modern Diner, My Chosen Cafe in Metchosin, Sassy’s Family Restaurant in Brentwood,The Oaks Restaurant in Oak Bay, the San Remo Restaurant, and others. Sometimes we go to the chains, White Spot, Swiss Chalet, Browns’ Social House. But we prefer locally owned places, reasonably priced, cozy, friendly. The restaurant in the picture, where we went two weeks ago, is the Sour Pickle cafe, a tiny, hole-in-the-wall place with a great menu. It’s within walking distance, five minutes over the bridge, unknown to me until a neighbor (you know who you are, John) suggested it. We loved the place, and will go again.
We’ve found, as Sundays come and go, that we plan different things to do before or after dinner. During the summer, we’d go for a short ride in the country, or to a neighboring town. We visited Sidney, Metchosin, Sooke, we’ve been to the top of Parrot Hill (off Cook Street), where you can see the entire city in a 360 degree panorama. We’ve driven to Mount Tolmie, Mount Doug Park, the lookout over Beacon Hill Park, all places where you can see a vista. Occasionally we’ve driven up the Malahat to Chemainus, to take in a live show.
During the winter, we stay closer to home, window shopping in Oak Bay village, dropping in on Fisherman’s Wharf, out to Ten Mile Point, to see my old haunts. On rare occasions, we’ve gone as far as Ladysmith, and Butchart Gardens, for the Christmas lights. We’ve been lucky to find good places to eat everywhere we have gone.
Sometimes we have no idea where we’ll go until Sunday morning, hoping that something will just fall into our laps. This weekend, for instance, we’re going to the Blue Bridge Repertory Theatre to see The 39 Steps—Bob won tickets by searching for a hidden dot on a page in Munday magazine, (of all things)! I think it will be San Remos’ for dinner, which is just next door.
I apologize to you international readers—the places I mention won’t mean much to you—but I hope you find it interesting to see how one ‘mature’ couple tries to add some spark to their lives, even though it’s only on Sundays!
Thank you for reading. I’ll see you here in a couple of weeks.
What a lovely rumination, Diane. I think it may be hard for younger people to imagine that eating out once a week and being careful with your pocket book is such a treat, but it can be. And I love your effort to mark off a time, to fight against every activity blending into one another.
Yes, Barry, making a sort of ‘date’ out of it works very well for us! Thank you for the compliment!
it’s wonderful! and kudos to you for making it a lovely memory filled tradition now!
Great to hear from you, tammy j. Hope you are having a wonderful Sunday!
Food, sharing a meal, snacks, a beverage, is a ubiquitous social event.
I think that people would be shocked at how vital sharing food is to their social experience.
I know this in a special way because I have anaphylaxis, and have not been able to pleasurably share a meal in a restaurant, or prepared by someone other than myself or my husband, since the mid-80s. For the first two years I cried a lot, as the depth of the effect on social contact made itself very clear to me.
Eventually, after a decade of sitting in restaurants with people, watching them eat, having them feel uncomfortable with me there being unable to eat, I began to avoid social contact that involved food or beverages. In reality, this is most social contact.
For example, think of those homemade cookies the host/hostess puts out at a get together or meeting. To refuse them as they are offered, or query the ingredients, is instantly offputting for the hostess and any other guests. To explain the anaphylaxis is not a pleasant intereraction, some think of it as an attention getting device, others are genuinely sympathetic and usually feel bad for me. None of these are pleasant social experiences.
Anaphylaxis is isolating by its very nature.
So my partner and I accept this isolation as the cost of health. We focus on self-sufficeincy and self-reliance as we journey through life, and we only eat at home, or our own food that we bring with us. My partner does not have anaphylaxis, but has chosen to sacrifice food as a social experience to be with me. So although we have no special times out to restaurants, or social events, we enjoy our time together ,spent keeping both of us well fed and healthy at home.
I have noted your progress handling this disability, through posts on your blog. I agree that anaphylaxis can be a very problematic, having taught a student who was unable to eat many things, and whose parents had to be extremely vigilant with her diet. Everyone around her was very sympathetic, as I believe people, in encountering this, should be. I’m sorry that some people have been disapproving—how hurtful! I think you and your guy have addressed it very intelligently, and think you are having a good life, in spite of it. Nice to hear from you, Maggie.
It’s a lovely ritual to have. And I think these rituals with our partners in retirement are really important and wonderful. Our own rituals are mostly ‘at home’ ones because of my bad back (most restaurant chairs cause me pain) and his poor hearing (background babble and loud music prevent anything I say getting through to him – and we both hate loud background noise anyway). But we take time out to have a cup of freshly-ground coffee together every morning. And we are members of Naked Wines – an organization that supports small, artisanal winemakers all over the world – so twice a week we open something from our selection of favourite, high-quality reds and have a special ‘wine night.’ Also, since we live in England, once a year (usually in the autumn when most of the tourists have gone home) we take the train or the ferry to Italy or Spain for a few weeks, where every morning we can sit in a cafe on a piazza somewhere and have fresh croissants with our coffee as we watch the world go by. Plus,in the chiringuitos that line the Spanish beaches they have comfy wicker chairs out on the sand, where we can have wine and tapas and watch the sun set over the Mediterranean. So despite bad backs and hearing issues, we can still have a lot of special moments.
A bad back and hearing loss don’t seem to hamper you one bit! Your lives sound idyllic—especially the wine night, and your trips to Italy and Spain. I love Italy, but have never been to Spain. Maybe someday, but I really doubt it, at this late time in my life!
My husband and I have been making Saturday our play day and do something different each weekend. We may visit nearby towns and enjoy the shops and then find a nice place for lunch. We have used this time for an occasional weekend trip to visit something that requires an overnight. We enjoy the planning of the time together as well as just the break in our routine. We have found it has also given us an appreciation of our area as well as more familiarity. Very nice.
Lunch is good too…We chose dinner, because dinner is the meal that causes me most work. Yes, I admit, I’ve become a little lazy about food preparation, and am constantly looking for shortcuts! Thanks for your lovely comment!
A lovely post. Traditions and rituals for couples make good memories. Your observations about the days of the week and the days of the weekend running into a ‘sameness’ in retirement is dead on. Like you, we no longer punctuate Sunday with church attendance. Our family dinner happens on thursday evening after our grand-daughter’s piano lesson. We have seasons tickets to a couple of theatres and always go out for dinner before performances. I like your routine of having a special outing every weekend.
I love your routine! I prepare family dinners only occasionally now, and always feel so appreciative when they come over. We attended a play last night, after dinner, and found it was a nice change. Thanks for this, greytop!
What a lovely post. Finding or remembering rituals really do position us for happy times. We enjoy a few ourselves. I’m happy to report that some of the younger generation appreciate this too. Our California son phoned today to say that his little guy went to his first ‘spend the night’ last night so he and his wife went out for date night…a dinner out, an hour in a hot tub and a couples massage!! Ah California!
Your son knows how to live! I’m all for happy times for our generation too!
I’ve no partner now – and in some ways that has been a bad option – and of late, I’ve got bad about connecting with friends.
I do try to attend the Wednesday Knit/Stitch group in town which is held in a fairly busy arcade that links Queen with Customs Street. We all take over the arcade tables and natter and seemingly work on things. It’s adjacent to a fabric/yarn store…and hot drink/cookies are provided…but there a number of cafes to pick up other things. There are other such groups; some in actual cafes but I haven’t got all day, every day to be at them…
In the progress of changing parts of my life, some appear to be forced upon me by new medical issues, others because I felt that I needed to make changes…and this is a good reminder, thanks Diane
I hope that you would take away my wishes that you have a good life—and that can be accomplished without a partner. I’ve had many changes as well, and yes, it’s necessary to try out many different options when you don’t have a partner. But in all honesty, sometimes a partner can bring you unhappiness instead of adding to your life. I have found that friends and family are constant, and a great source of riches in life. I wish you the very best. Take care, cedar51.
Hi, Diane – This is such a wonderful routine that you and your husband have set up. Anticipation and planning can greatly heighten the experience of special events. Thank you for sharing this. Your post was lovely to read.
Thanks, Donna. It has worked well for us. The proof has been, that we have never felt disillusioned with the arrangement, and entertained skipping it. It has been a rejuvenating experience, all around!
It is a great tradition that you have established and I hope that you will continue with it for long. I am blessed with many decent restaurants within walking distance from my home and when my late wife was alive, we would go out often for dinners. Since her death, I have not done that often though my son and daughter in love invite me to accompany them. I gave up evening meals a year ago and since then haven’t gone out for dinner but my son and daughter in love do often. I often go with them for lunch and quite enjoy the outings.
Having lunch out is a good compromise, if you don’t have an appetite for dinner. I’ve found that smaller meals—no matter the time of day—work best for me. Thanks for your comment. I always like to hear from you!
I have to admit, we go out probably twice a week, and do take-out once a week as well. For us it’s mostly pizza. But also, our local grocery store does a buffet which is pretty good, and you can eat there or take it home. Anyway … Sunday has never been my favorite day of the week, so I’m glad to see that you’ve found a way to make it special. Maybe you’ve given us an idea.
I have a confession also, Tom! As well as the Sunday dinner at restaurants, I arrange take-out from time to time. In addition, when I am doing grocery shopping, I might drop by the deli counter, and pick up a casserole or a couple of BBQ chicken pieces to complement the veggies I prepare. I think years and years of cooking (I was never a fan anyway), may give me an excuse to take a short-cut now and then!
Thanks for sharing!
Next time you make the drive over the Malahat, here’s my favorite restaurants: Bridgeman’s Bistro in Mill Bay (it’s actually over the water with windows for walls), the Cow Cafe in Cowichan Bay (terrible parking but also great views and food), and Mrs Riches up in Nanaimo (home of the “mountain burger” burger 🍔 🍔 🍔 )
Walking the Kinsol trestle near Shawnigan or the Cowichan Bay Estuary are great spots to stretch your legs afterwards!
Bridgeman’s Bistro sounds wonderful, and we will definitely sample it on one of our trips that way. We seldom get to Cowichan Bay or Nanaimo these days, but I love your suggestions, and will forward them to family I have, who live up-island. Thanks so much, Michael!
An excellent practice. We do eat out perhaps once fortnight or so, but don’t have a set day.
I follow your blog, and love hearing about the fantastic meals you mention. You and Jackie always make such delicious choices!
Andy and I are a bit weird here — we don’t like restaurants or socializing around food. For many years we socialized by going square and round dancing, but mostly now we each have projects we’re involved in, and our special together rituals are going grocery shopping together every other day and going up to the land for picnics. We love our everyday lives, we have enough problems to be solved to keep us properly stimulated. 😀
Welcome back!
I know you and Andy have very busy lives, and I enjoy so much hearing about all of your projects, especially the greenhouse. Just keep doing what you are doing—you two have an amazing life!
Hi Diane – I thought I’d pop over and check out your blog after you commented on mine! I really like that you’ve set up this little ritual each week. Now that I’ve retired I’ve noticed that the days do tend to blend together a bit, and weekends aren’t the light at the end of the tunnel like they used to be. I think we might have to do something like this (maybe Sunday lunch??) now that Summer is on its way in Australia.
Lovely to meet you and you’re always welcome to link up with us at our #MLSTL party on Wednesdays when you have a post like this. x
Hi Leanne. I’ve been reading your blog for months, and have finally figured out how to leave a comment! I had difficulty with my Google account, but now, it’s all straightened out. Always some tech thing to work out, it seems! We are heading into winter at the moment—I find it interesting to follow the seasons in your country. I’ll look into the ‘party’, sounds nice!
Lovely way to spend Sunday. However, “locally owned places, reasonably priced, cozy, friendly” … are not so easy to find these days. I used to enjoy a good old fashioned British pub lunch. Now it’s either join the “kids eat for free” mob and be addressed as “you guys”, or be fleeced at the local ‘gastro pub’ where “artisans” have replaced chefs and lunch comes on a plank of wood.
The whole ‘artisan’ thing has me confused…whatever happened to the ‘cooks’ and ‘chefs’? I guess food tastes better if it sounds a bit snobby! Thanks for your comment, BJ…I always love to hear from you!
Afternoon, Diane. You know how to get much out of life. That’s an excellent talent!
Neil
Thanks, Neil. I appreciate your interest!
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