The Desire for Change – Can We Be Happy With What We Have?

Schimbarea Anotimpului  – The words are Romanian, my native tongue. They mean, ‘change of seasons’ but the meaning is universal, and especially poignant for me in the fall. It’s October, and the skies are clear all day, only becoming slightly overcast and brooding, as the evenings close in earlier and earlier.

It seems to me that there is less cloud cover than we usually see at this time of year. In fact, it has been months since we have had any significant rainfall. If we are not concerned, I feel that we should be. This is not the normal run of events.

As of the beginning of October, several states in the US are experiencing drought conditions. In the spring, their National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration issued, for the second year in a row, a prediction for a prolonged, persistent drought in the West, and that appears to be coming true. This comes, it seems, with a protracted absence of weather. Wind, rain, cold temperatures, even frost—those are the conditions we expect at this time of year. But instead, day after day, things remain the same, no wind, no cold, very little rain, no significant change. And that brings me to the crux of the issue, is it fall I am craving, or is it as simple as wanting a change?

When you make a change in your life, you feel that you are taking decisive action, choosing something, rather than just letting life happen. It can make you feel powerful, in control and strong. Those are compelling emotions. Sometimes it’s enough to make you switch careers, move your home, even end your marriage.

The desire for change is responsible for landmark achievements throughout history:

• Where would we be if Columbus hadn’t been obsessed with a change in scenery?
• If Abraham Lincoln was content to be called ‘master’ instead of abolishing slavery.
• If the Wright Brothers were happy driving a horse and buggy instead of soaring around in the air.
• If Orville Redenbacher hadn’t preferred a chewable snack to hard corn kernels. (popcorn)
• Or if Gideon Sundback didn’t have a hard time fastening hooks and eyes. (zipper, LOL).

So, what about you, living in a time where you are reaping the benefits of so many comforts and innovations? Do you hanker for a change in your accommodations, your community or even your daily routine? Change seems to be built in our DNA.

Even the fairy tales we read as children are replete with characters wishing for a change. Did you, as a kid, dream of taking on some of the challenges and changes of those intrepid characters?

Do you wish, like Jack, to find out what was around the corner, or in his case, at the top of the beanstalk, no matter what the peril? Do you wish you could, like Dorothy, click your heels and land in an entirely different place? Do you, like Alice, recklessly throw caution to the wind, follow the white rabbit, and go to parties with strangers? Or are you completely satisfied where you are, and do not in the slightest wish you could be somewhere else, like Peter Pan, resisting change until it is forced upon you, at which time, as the fable irrevocably proved, it might be too late?

The answer, like many things in life, lies somewhere in the middle. People have always flirted with change. Even the most established, successful, and content people have secretly wished for a change at some time in their lives.

Witness the many ways we can think about change, and how it appears in our lives and folklore:

• ‘The measure of intelligence is the ability to change’ -Albert Einstein
• ‘Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.’ -Leo Tolstoy
• To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” -Winston Churchill
• The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” -Socrates
• Change is the law of life, and those who look only to the past and present are certain to miss the future” -John F. Kennedy
• “If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl. But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward” -Martin Luther King Jr.
• “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.” -John C. Maxwell
• “Change in all things is sweet.” -Aristotle
• “Change before you have to.” -Jack Welch…

Sometimes, in my experience, change — disguised as decisions, variety, and tantalizing choice — is not always a good thing.

The last time a big urge like this came over me, I sold my house, a perfectly comfortable seaside bungalow. That move turned out alright, since I was able to buy the condo I now own, but it could have been disastrous, since home prices climbed precipitously shortly after. That move taught me something important about how my need for change could be reckless.

I’ve since learned that when the craving for change surfaces, it’s usually because there’s something else going on. Something I can’t control. Work, home, or life has thrown too much at me, and giving myself a choice is like giving myself control. In retrospect, that was the case with me, and I realized, just in time, that I needed to stop making important decisions for a while and let things settle.

So, when I find myself obsessing about making a change now, I take a deep breath, and stop to reflect and be happy with what I have. Obsessive thoughts about change are a warning sign, flashing, “Slow down…slow down…now.”