Your Bucket List—the Key to Fulfillment or a Distraction from Real Life?

You might not be aware of it, but somewhere in the back of your mind, or in your kitchen junk drawer, or in a folder marked “Things to do”, you have a bucket list —most everyone does.

I actually don’t like the name, “bucket list”, which is a term for death, originating from “kick the bucket”, which relates to the bucket kicked away at a hanging. Typically, it’s a list of all the things you want to try, goals you want to meet and experiences you want to have before you die. Some people prefer to call it a “wish list” or a “life experiences list”, or some, like John Goddard, simply a “life list”. (It’s worth taking a look at Goddard’s list, which famously listed 127 goals, most of which he actually accomplished in his lifetime).

It seems to me, from reading about bucket lists, or hearing about bucket lists, that most of them consist of traveling to a slew of the great wonders of the world, trekking Machu Picchu or the Amazon Rainforest or doing some outrageous death-defying stunts like bungee jumping off the tallest building in Macau or cage diving with great white sharks.

If you are a retiree, and beyond the willingness to risk life and limb, there are still some eye-popping things you can do like holding a baby tiger, or sky diving with a guide.

Invariably, what it also involves, for increasingly more people is taking pictures, lots of them, and posting them on social media, cornering their friends to talk about them, relishing the envy, and then going on to the next item on the list.

The appeal of the bucket list

There are people who create their lists realizing that life is short and should be lived to the fullest, and who think seriously about what they actually want to experience in this lifetime. This is especially true if, as in the movie, The Bucket List, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, they have been diagnosed with an incurable illness. In those cases the goals often seem to be more challenging to achieve.

On the other hand, there are plenty of people who create their lists with intention and integrity, who go beyond simply collecting travel destinations, and who are unconcerned about the reactions (and envy) of others. Most importantly, their lists are not frivolous—they actually plan with the intention to complete them. To them, its paramount to keep their list pure, and to include real, possible things only.

David Cain, in his blog, Raptitude, claims there should be a litmus test for including list items, saying:

“Imagine yourself actually going through with it, including all the legwork. Imagine as many physical details of the experience as possible. If the thought doesn’t fill you with enthusiasm, if it doesn’t make your soul grin, it doesn’t belong on the list. Would you honestly enjoy reading the entire works of Shakespeare? In reality, few would, and few do.”

It’s a good thing to be audacious, to dream big, in writing your list. But be aware that initially, at least, it should be a draft, which you could put aside for a while. Revisiting it later allows you to look at it more objectively. If you have written, “Win the Giller prize for literature”, unless you are already writing, and getting recognition, you might want to re-think that goal! Above all, your life goals should be attainable and realistic.

Is a bucket list a recipe for happiness?

As with everything in life, it seems that there is a downside, or at least a cautionary tale. Psychologists warn that sticking too closely to your goals, or your bucket list, can result in stress and anxiety, and even cause you to live for the future and ignore what is going on in your life.

I was touched by this passage written by Elyse Gorman in her blog called ‘tiny buddha’, Why Happiness and Purpose Cannot Be Found In A Bucket List, who says,

“Because I was putting my happiness off until a day in the future where I had ticked off a suitable number of goals in my life rather than realizing that the present day was already filled with so much magic, excitement, beauty, simply joys, and goodness. And I had absolutely every reason and means to be happy and overflowing with contentment right here and now.

But above all, I always ended up feeling empty, despite my ambition and goal-kicking, because of one major misunderstanding about the nature of life: I was looking to external sources for happiness and a sense of fulfillment instead of anchoring my happiness and meaning within.”

There is a danger in ignoring what’s going on right now because you’re shooting for future goals. It’s easy to forget that an experience happens so quickly, that it’s soon over, and loses its shine. Then, if you are bent on following your list, you have to chase another one, and yet another one, all at the risk of not really living.

Of course, it is important to have goals that move you along in life, that help you develop your career, and ensure your financial future. But you also need to make plans purely for your enjoyment and fun. I think most of us have done that. We have made decisions about where to travel based on fulfillment of our dreams, and some of our goals, like deciding to have children, or taking up a hobby, have been based on what would add to our life satisfaction.

All of those things are worthwhile, as long as our happiness and self-worth isn’t dependent on them. You may find, as Elyse Gorman points out, that time alone, self-discovery and activities that nourish your soul are more useful to you than any goal-chasing you may have on your bucket list, or even in your life goals.