Life can be stressful. It’s difficult to have a low-stress life, and impossible to avoid stress altogether. There are some classic issues that cause most people a great deal of worry and concern. Here are some of them:
- Dealing with health problems
- Recovering from a divorce
- Addressing concerns about money
- Coping with loneliness and social isolation
Can stress be a good thing, or is it always bad? Whether good or bad, stress is constantly with us. We experience it as part of our day-to-day lives – it pushes us to become more adaptable and helps us to become more resilient. Some people, like me, even thrive with a little stress in our lives. We feel that stress, up to a certain point, makes us stronger and more alive.
In our youth, we were hardly aware of stress, but as we grow older, coping with it becomes more difficult, taking more of our mental resources and impacting our emotions. To make matters worse, stress can have a detrimental influence on the body and affect our wellbeing.
Causes of our stress
People fear stress of all kinds and do everything they can to avoid it. They feel helpless in the face of these forces and have no idea how to respond to them. It’s clear that some of us react negatively when in the throes of stress. This is one of the reasons that it is so important to understand the causes of our stress. Looking at it dispassionately rather than emotionally equips us to deal with it better. When it lies below the surface of our awareness, we may not realize what is happening until it is too late.
As a first step, let’s look at three of the most common causes of stress and, more importantly, what we can do about them:
Fear of the Future
Women are especially susceptible to fear of what may be coming next. Many women are dealing with fears related to getting older. Others are worried about losing a spouse or what will happen to their parents as they reach their later years.
In worrying about the future, they neglect to focus on what they can control, right now, in the present. One of the things we can do is take action.
If some of your concerns are practical in nature – for example, what would happen to you financially if your partner passed away – work with your spouse to build a plan. While you can’t control every aspect of your future, you can limit the chance that you will be surprised and at a disadvantage.
Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Most of the time, our fears are worse when they sit below the surface, without shape or structure. When you face your fears, you will probably discover that they are overblown. Remember, you have faced many difficult situations in the past and you have made it through all of them.
Regrets About the Past
By the time we reach our 60s and 70s, most of us have had our share of regrets. This is completely natural. After all, what kind of a sheltered, uneventful life have we lived to make it through six or seven decades without any regrets?
As with worries about the future, the important thing here is to force yourself back into the present. I cannot emphasize this enough—the past is gone and there is nothing that we can do to change it. If you have unfinished business with another person, it may make sense to tackle the problem directly. Sometimes a heart-felt apology is all that it takes to erase a regret completely.
Whether or not you believe in karma in a spiritual sense, it is a useful concept in thinking about regrets. We may not be able to “erase” our past mistakes, but we can do everything in our power to make the world a better place now. Don’t worry about the person that you were yesterday, last month, or a decade ago. Focus on being the best person that you can be, right now. So, stop blaming yourself and focus on what you can do in the here and now and live the best life you can!
Finding calm
Life in your senior years is often thought of as a peaceful time. The reality is somewhat different for women who are dealing with financial struggles, health problems or relationship challenges.
There can be many difficulties in life. I used to think that some people were purposely doing things to hurt me. The woman in the grocery store was grouchy because she didn’t like me. The job I didn’t get was a direct result of something wrong with me versus there possibly being a candidate that just had more to offer.
No matter what you are going through in your life, it is fixable. Don’t let life control you. Take control of your life. Sit down today and make a list of the things that cause you stress in your everyday life.
Are you surrounded by negative people? Do you worry about your financial situation? Are you worried about your health or weight? Write down what is on your mind.
Now look at the list and write down one small thing that you can do today to address your fears. Think about how much you could accomplish if you were able to use the time that you spend worrying to actually take action to fix your problems.
Stress Relievers:
Stress relievers can help bring back calm and peace to your busy life and you don’t have to put a lot of time or thought into them to get results.
If you are looking for small steps that you can take to remove stress in specific areas, here are some calming strategies you can use when stressful situations arise.
Get active:
A sure-fire way to relieve stress is to go for a brisk walk or do a workout. Physical exercise helps your body release cortisol, a steroid hormone that is produced by your adrenal glands. When you are stressed, increased cortisol is released into your bloodstream and can cause anxiety and health problems.
Avoid unhealthy habits:
Some people may deal with stress by indulging in unhealthy habits. These may include drinking too much caffeine or alcohol, smoking, eating the wrong foods or using illegal substances. These habits can harm your health and increase your stress levels.
Laugh more:
A good sense of humor can’t cure all ailments. But it can help you feel better. When you laugh, it lightens your mental load. The results of laughing are akin to being active—a hearty laugh causes positive physical changes in the body.
Connect with others:
When you’re stressed and irritable, you may want to isolate yourself. Instead, reach out to family and friends and make social connections. Even one good friend who listens can make a difference. Social contact is a good stress reliever because it can offer distraction, give support, and help you put up with life’s ups and downs.
To further decrease your level of stress, try these techniques:
Learn to say no.
Assert yourself. You might want to do it all, but you can’t, at least not without paying a price.
Practise yoga:
With its series of postures and breathing exercises, yoga is a popular stress reliever.
Meditate:
During meditation, you focus your attention and quiet the stream of jumbled thoughts that may be crowding your mind and causing stress. Meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that can help both your emotional well-being and your overall health.
Get enough sleep:
Stress can cause you to have trouble falling asleep. When you have too much to do — and too much to think about — your sleep can suffer. But sleep is the time when your brain and body recharge. Most adults need about 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night, so treat sleep seriously, and get medical help if you need it.
Keep a journal:
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a good release for otherwise pent-up feelings. Don’t think about what to write — let it happen. Write anything that comes to mind.
Take up a hobby or artistic pursuit:
Try gardening, sewing, reading, sketching or needlepoint. These activities can be intense and rewarding.
Seek counseling:
If stressors are making it hard for you to cope or if self-care measures aren’t relieving your stress, you may want to think about therapy or counseling. Therapy also may be a good idea if you feel overwhelmed or trapped.
Take Supplements:
Try these relaxing herbs and supplements: ashwagandha, lavender, valerian, melatonin, cbd oil. Your local herbal store will be able to advise you about substances you can take safely.
Dealing with Stress in a Positive Way
Does that mean things won’t upset us? No, of course not. What it means is that there is always another viewpoint.
When I stay calm and try to understand the point of view of others, things seem to run a lot more smoothly.
Stress is an inevitable part of life. We can’t choose to avoid it. We can only choose how to deal with it when it occurs. Don’t worry about the future or dwell on the past. Both are beyond our control. Learn to live in the present. Learn to take action every day to make your dreams come true. And, most of all, learn to love and forgive yourself.
Always a pleasure to read your posts, so glad you are keeping well.
Thank you for your comment, DW. Glad that you enjoy my site!
Usually when I feel stress it is because of other people’s problems that are put on me and which I have no control over. It takes a lot of talking to myself to work through it. I’m getting better at managing it, but stress overload is a terrible thing when it happens. Your tips are all very good, and I suppose we each have different ways of working through stressful times.
You are right. It usually is the pressure of listening to other peoples’ problems that stresses us. I find that getting my mind off those problems and doing other things instead of worrying about them helps tremendously. I’m always careful not to burden others, especially family and friends. If they offer help and comfort, I’m always happy to receive it!
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