When you were a kid, you knew what friends were for. You lived for having friendships. Your life would be worthless, you believed, if you didn’t have friends. You wanted to do everything with them, have meals with them, share happy times with them, even have sleep-overs with them. Your friendships were the first think you thought of when you woke up, and the last thing you thought about just before you fell asleep. In fact, they were the main even in your young life.
As you grew older, friends helped you celebrate good times, and gave you supported when times were bad. They prevented feelings of isolation and loneliness. And they gave you a chance to offer companionship to them. As the years passed, they increased the all- important sense of belonging and purpose, adding richness and pleasure to your daily life.
It’s clear that healthy relationships—not the clingy, dependent kind—have a huge impact on your mental health and happiness. In fact, good friends can not only relieve stress and provide comfort and joy, but they are the high road to a full life.
Were friends always this important?
Decades ago, the need for friendships wasn’t as intense. Families were large and chances were, you would have at least one sibling you could count on to ‘be in your corner’, to stick up for you and to share secrets with. If you were fortunate, that sibling could also be your friend. Or you may have had a cousin close in age, or another family member who you felt you could truly confide in. It would have been a bond that carried you into adulthood and a lifetime of shared love and support.
Of course, like many things in life, friendships don’t always last or work out. I have a cousin who is only months older than I am. I adored her and felt flattered when she spent time with me. I still remember the times we had together, my 10-year-old life immensely enriched by our shared experiences. But she didn’t feel the same way I did, and we grew apart, she gravitating toward an older ‘in crowd’, and me having to resort to girls who were not nearly as much fun.
Now, with smaller families, friendships are filling in the gaps. Today, most people would be lost and at the very least, lonely and sad, without their friends.
The lasting impact of friendships.
Research indicates that friendships, especially for adults, predict better health outcomes than familial relationships do. According to studies, having solid, reliable friendships, without the complication of familial relationships, is more closely tied to feeling happier and healthier.
However, every circumstance is unique, and it’s up to each individual to figure out which relationships in their life feels fulfilling, supportive and loving, regardless of whether they are a family member or a friend. With that said, the key requirement for a friendship is that it is supportive and fully accepting.
Friendships are a concern and a matter of interest for almost everyone. But some people can comment on friendships better than I can.
Memorable quotes about friendship:
From H. Jackson Brown. Jr:
Remember that the most valuable antiques are dear friends.
And Euripides:
One loyal friend is worth a thousand relatives.
John Leonard:
It takes time to grow an old friend.
Walter Winchell:
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
And my two favorites:
Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
Elbert Hubbard:
A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.
One of the sad realities of ageing is that many lifelong friends die and those relationships are lost. I’ve watched this happen for my 86 year old husband. As the younger spouse, I’ve not suffered the loss of my ‘old’ friends –yet! To combat these inevitable events, we maintain relationships with younger people. Somehow, it’s not the same without all of the shared life experiences.
I agree. Sharing the ups and downs and sheer joys of a long term friendship is invaluable. I have moved, and miss my old friends immensely. I have made a special effort to make new friends, and find the process difficult, but very rewarding.
I agree. It’s not the same, but at the same time, the effort to make new connections can be very rewarding.
Lovely thoughts about friendship. Not all come from large families growing up or always live where access to friends are readily around as when we moved from town to rural areas, even other states. I learned to live without ready contact (no phone) some years to friends, but ultimately collected select friends all over the country through the years. We all long treasured one another. I’ve reached an age now when the older I become the fewer friends that are now still living — a sad reality indeed as Postworksavvy mentions. One older friend, deceased some years ago, once wrote me from across the continent: “There are no friends like old friends.” So true!
So much truth in this, Diane. I’ve never been good at hanging on to friendships, and as I get older I feel that more. I have a couple of schoolfriends with whom I am in regular touch, and those shared bonds are invaluable.
Such a good presentation, Diane. Following the thoughts of Postworksavvy I find some of my deceased friends and close relatives remain forever with me
I am fortunate to have many friends residing in the same city where I live as well as some in other places. Social media enables me to be in regular touch with them and I think that this single development has built many bonds that in the pre social media days would not have been possible.
Growing up through to growing old – I’ve had a severe lack of “friends” – my childhood was so unreal in that even now I can not remember no one in particular of my own age, that had a lot to do with my disabilities of “not being seen, let alone be heard” – and it continued, my marriage, now gone, that failed to have that happen due to my relationship with my difficult husband…now I struggle to have “real time friends” – I’m very much a loner…
It also helps if you’ve learned to be your own best friend.
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