People insult each other on Twitter every day, they post slanderous videos on Facebook, they threaten and bully each other regularly by text and phone. And in the event that they might be unversed in being uncivil and rude, there are always rap stars, comedians, talk show hosts, schoolyard and workplace bullies and politicians to show them the ropes.
Only two short years ago, we watched the American election campaign spew a stream of angry invective. Television, and social media amplified the behavior of bullying politicians by publicizing their messages of hate.
“Lock her up!”, one candidate bellowed, as his audience roared its approval. “You’re FIRED!” he raged, pumping his arm.
Shocked and mesmerized, we watched the spectacle unfold, hoping it would burn itself out and go away. But it didn’t. Instead, it became what pundits feared—”normalized”, until it seems that brand of incivility, that pattern of ridicule, confrontation, and name-calling has become part of everyday life.
Currently, we in the Western world, friends and neighbors of America, are bracing ourselves for the midterms, and another round of abrasive election behavior . The political climate has not improved—we have no reason to believe that the rhetoric will be less aggressive or angry—or that incivility in politics will subside. Once again, we fear, the loudest and nastiest voices will be the only ones heard.
I’m not suggesting that rude behavior begins and ends with politics—it’s been simmering in our culture for eons. People like me, who are older, have always been aware of it, we always knew about this darker side of humanity.
But we also remember the stifling nature of social constraints—when expression was held in check, restrained and subdued. We don’t want to go back to those cramped and repressive times. We were somewhat relieved actually, when our culture loosened some of those bonds, but now we are seeing, in the aftermath of the 1960s social revolution, that it has gone too far. Are we the only ones who feel this way?
I believe we’re not. Poll after poll demonstrate that people are increasingly annoyed and bothered by the lack of civility, upset by politicians, actors and commentators whose rhetoric flows out online, on television and through our phones each and every hour.
It’s tempting to think there may be a silver lining to this, that maybe bad social behavior will bleed itself out, and come full circle, to a more civil place. Maybe its a fuse, we think, that is holding back even nastier impulses. And if so, perhaps current incivility will have served a purpose.
Again no, there is no saving grace for incivility, it serves no purpose to humanity, and only drags it down. there seems to be no good use for it in a culture—none of its effects are beneficial.
Psychologically, it’s simply bad for us. Shortly after the US election in 2016, Christine Porath said this in an article for Psychology Today:
“Incivility is proven to be distracting and debilitating. It inhibits problem-solving and collaboration, and diminishes our well-being. Thoughtful debate, real understanding, and problem solving plummets. Motivation and engagement wanes. And, it unfortunately has a way of silently spreading like a virus.”
And yet, just as I was feeling defeated by this, thinking that nothing could redeem civility, I came across an article by Eric Siguardson, who writes a blog, The Siguardson Post. He quoted 51 sources that addressed civility including the following, contributed by litigators R. Wayne Thorpe, Judge Paul L. Friedman and Josephine Stone:
“Public discourse and civility lie at the heart of our democracy and our legal profession in Canada, the U.S., the UK, and Australia.”
“The qualities of civility, and ethical and principled leadership matters. Supporting civil discourse is an important component of our legal system and our democracy. “
These are high-minded words, reaching into the heart of the matter, and soothing some of our fears. They reflect the authoritative purpose of the law which is, in spite of our distrust of it, despite all of the jokes and recriminations around it, the absolute backbone of our western democracies. Just to know that judges and litigators are paying attention is comforting, and may be all we have to protect our society from crumbling further.
But meanwhile, there may be something we can do ourselves, in our own private spheres, to stem the tide.
In Canada, for example, CBC Manitoba has focused on civility in a series, The Loss of Civility. I was happy to hear of this—it may be an indication that some light is finally being cast on this issue.
And in an effort to address school bullying and racism, schools like Arundel High School in Gambrills, Maryland, have developed a course on how to be civil. It’s popular, and has already effected changes in the attitudes of students, teachers say.
But mostly, people need to take responsibility and apply the rules for good behavior in everyday life. We are all in this together. Meanwhile just as Edward Kennedy expressed, there is hope:
“I hope for an America where we can all contend freely and vigorously, but where we will treasure and guard those standards of civility which alone make this nation safe for both democracy and diversity.” – Edward Kennedy
Heavy subject for sure.. we can always hope in the future. However I predict that it will get worse before it gets better. Democracy does not assure civility.. a lack of civility denotes a failure of democracy.
I agree it will get worse—it’s hard to stop anything on a dime. There is a link between democracy and civility for sure, although you can have either without the other. Good to hear from you, Peter!
I began to notice incivility in the television media, an ad based on contempt for the homeless, just after Princess Diana died. Shocked, I hoped I was wrong about what I saw.
Unfortunately, Maggie, you weren’t wrong. I wouldn’t say that incident was the beginning of incivility, but it may have been an indication that it was gathering strength.
At the very least, it’s disheartening to be subjected over and over to spewing hatred and anger at others who don’t see the world the same way as we do. The world is a dangerous place at any time, but as the population explosion continues to bring more people into a small space, we are becoming less and less tolerate and more and more tribal. It’s a downward spiral, I fear. 🙁
I hadn’t attributed increased incivility to overpopulation (in some areas). But it does make sense. More people in the world makes civility all the more critical. I believe a thoughtful and knowledgeable approach makes everything work better. Thank you, Djan!
Living in Canada I can only have a birds eye view of what is happening with the issue of bullying around the World and specifically what is happening in USA politics today. My questions are- What is really motivating President Donald Trump to behave the way he is? Is it a Big ego? Do you think that Trump has an undisclosed health issue(s)? Like many other people in power and being very rich at the same time, they seem to think that they are above the law. As a result, everything goes and they seem to have a ‘try to stop me’ attitude, I’m right and your wrong. Is it incivility and bad morals on purpose? Is it an aging problem where the cognitive function is starting to deteriorate? On the other hand, what do you think is the major cause of any ‘other’ bullying situation? Is it the same cause for everyone or is everybody different when they start bullying?
Hi Joe. Lots to think about in your comment (as usual)! From the reading I’ve done, I gather that Donald Trump has long standing issues, many of them stemming from his relationship with his father, who was wealthy, and who dominated him, but at the same time, left him a rich man. And no, I don’t believe any of his behavior can be attributed to his age—he was nasty years ago. But I’m not going to pin all uncivil behavior in our culture to him. There are other forces in play. But whatever they are, we are stuck with this current mood, which is so evident today. Bullies are said to be very insecure, unhappy people, who need to hurt others to elevate themselves. I think D.T. would fit that description.
Joe raises some good questions.
I would hate to be raising children in this environment of incivility. to try and instill values of not lying or cheating or saying mean things and then to hear grown men and women doing the opposite! more like children than actual children! I think incivility is a sign of total breakdown of a civilization. and we are headed that direction. I’m glad to see that CBC Manitoba and the high school in Maryland are taking steps to address it.
but I fear it’s like the boy and the dike story trying to stop the leak. thanks for this post.
It’s a bad sign for sure, tammy j, but not completely hopeless. I guess I am forever an optimist, always hoping that anything can be overcome, and any difficulty can be overturned. Humans are amazing. Given the chance, we will turn this around, I’m convinced!
John McCain tried civil discourse — he wanted to debate Obama on the issues and defended Obama when people said they were afraid of him.
https://youtu.be/jrnRU3ocIH4
Unfortunately he got talked into having Sarah Palin as a running mate, which he later said was the worst decision he made in his life. Hatred was in, civil discourse was out.
Civil discourse has always been rare — that’s the reason in polite society you were never supposed to talk about politics or religion. You might want to read about the U.S. presidential election of 1800. Both sides vilified the other and engaged in slander and character assassination. Adams and Jefferson, who previously had been close friends and compatriots, became bitter enemies. They only reconciled just before their deaths.
What to do about it? I personally tune it out and focus on trying to make my tiny part of the universe a little bit friendlier. The world is/will be going through drastic changes with the ever increasing population, climate change, competition for resources like food and water. No sense ranting and railing — know our values and do what we can with what we have. And for me, of course, “Stay curious and open to life. No matter what happens keep learning and growing. Find what you love and find a way to share it with others.” That keeps me busy enough.
Thanks, Cheerful Monk, I always welcome your intelligent and challenging comments! Your point about John McCain struck a chord. I remember how incredulous I felt when I learned that John McCain chose Sarah Palin as a running mate—it just didn’t make sense! And, of course, that partnership was, as we found out, doomed to fail! Like her, her following were not interested in civil discourse. You are correct to point out that politicians have always been inclined to slander and cut each other down. It is rare, (but still possible) to find politicians who are genuine statesmen (and stateswomen) and can make powerful arguments with dignity and poise. It’s possible too, I believe, to contribute something positive to our online and personal discussions, and in doing so, have some small but important influence on the outcome of our society.
I wish I had your optimism, but I fear we are on a slippery slope. And, it certainly didn’t start with trump; as disgusting as he is, I see him as more the result of the ever-increasing normalizing of incivility, certainly not the beginning of the trend. And, although right now the U.S. is in the spotlight, the incivility virus is everywhere.
Hi Janis. Seeing Trumpism as the RESULT is an interesting observation. Certainly his movement would never have gained its current strength without the openly uncivil attitudes of his base. So he stepped into an already simmering pit of hate—and carried on from there!Seeing humanity as “the us” and “the other” is the root of incivility, and until this view changes, we are, I agree, in for a rough ride.
Hi, Diane – Thank you again for a very deep and thought-provoking post. Your closing words are very true. We are all in this together — and like it or not, we swim or sink as a team.
And we are in it together more today than ever, Donna, given this electronic communication age. People downplay the impact of their online dialogue, but I’m convinced that everything stated online has an impact. One angry disrespectful tweet, blog post or comment joins the torrent of other similar messages, and becomes an online influence! The same goes for positive ones, and that is our hope.
I think about the models to which children of today are exposed and wonder what future adult generations will be like? Many of us will not be here to know. Perhaps before I leave this life circumstances will alter this environment to stem this tide of incivility — at least I’m hoping that will occur.
This is a good idea for a future post, Joared. I think it would be interesting to explore how deeply humans have changed in response to these new influences. It most likely won’t show up in present generations, but, as you point out, children of today are exposed to some very powerful influences, which will assuredly impact their character.
Incivility, in my not so humble opinion, is a direct result of urban living with all its attendant tensions and stress plus an aspirational society frustrated with the inequities in the system. One inevitably finds that the incivility is hierarchal. Let me explain using India as the map though it can be juxtaposed to the world arena.
For pedestrians, bicyclists are always at fault. For bicyclists, motorcyclists are always at fault. For motorcyclists, car drivers are always at fault. When an accident happens, one can clearly see this in terms of even bystander behaviour.
On the other hand, the so called privileged behave differently towards different economic strata. Like, a lady who bargains, is rude to and does not buy from a street vendor, will smile at a waiter in a posh restaurant, settle the bill amount without even checking it and will also leave a substantial tip. There is nothing subtle about such nuanced behaviour either.
Lots of food for thought here, Rummuser! Incivility is more likely in crowded circumstances, as you say, but it’s present in sparsely populated areas as well. I grew up in the country, where farms were located miles apart, but people always found a way to be cruel and disapproving if they took a dislike to anyone. The opportunities were fewer, and the social constraints more pronounced certainly, but I had plenty of chances to observe adults and their children busily interfering, bullying and practising discrimination. But I had a good chuckle over your analysis of incivility on the roads! I look forward to your continued observations based on your ‘not so humble’ opinions!
Incivility is nothing new. Remember, way back in 1804 the vice president and the former secretary of the treasury actually had a duel, and the former treasury secretary (Hamilton) was mortally wounded. Hopefully, it doesn’t get that bad. IMHO the way to counter the insults and temper tantrums is to ignore them, like you would the outbursts of a little kid. Whether it’s Trump, the media, twitter or anything else, they want attention … and so don’t reward them by giving it to them.
Thanks Tom. In a world so crowded with big egos, the desire for fame and recognition prompts some people to push the boundaries of civility. You would think, someone with Trump’s fame and wealth would have been satiated. But evidently not! I totally agree that removing the attention would de-escalate some of the behavior, but who knows, it may lead to an even harder push to grab the spotlight. I wrote about this back in June, but if I recall, I didn’t have any solutions! https://www.stilltheluckyfew.com/3489-2/ BTW, a duel did have a way to clear the air, don’t you think?
Sure we can turn it around. We model the behavior we want despite what others may do. Unfortunately, in the U.S. we have a leader who fails to model civil behavior and others mindlessly follow his lead, as though they’ve been given permission to act out like little kids. We do become desensitized to all sorts of undesirable and worse actions that can be unethical and immoral. I think some of this is and has been deliberate to create an environment in our nation making us more susceptible to being subverted. History shows it’s worked that way before.
“permission to act like little kids”…I couldn’t help but chuckle over that, Joared! But all humor aside, the issue is extremely serious, since it seems the US public mind has been subjected to a deliberate intent to fracture, influence and subvert democracy. So far, it has worked, but I think the majority of people are beginning to wake up. The process of desensitizing people to the point of believing uncivil behavior is ‘normal’ has been a long and frustrating one! As you might know, I’m Canadian and, along with so many in our country, have been watching all this with anxiety and more than a little fear. But our belief in the American people has remained unshaken.
Ted Kennedy’s quote is wonderful.
Hopefully the tide will change for the better over the next few years.
Take care, Diane.
Neil
Yes, Neil, we will need to be patient!
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