Golf, Bridge, Tennis—Not Chill, Fun, or Doable, Millennials Say

I met up with my Millennial nephew at a family gathering last week. I was pleased and surprised that he was there—not like him to gift us with his presence. He’s not really avoiding us, we say—it’s just a stage, and he’ll come around eventually.

I hadn’t seen him for months, and I really wanted to re-connect. And we did—sort of. At first, we struggled for common ground. Eventually, I asked him what he does for fun. This genuinely mystifies me, since I’ve never, actually, seen Millennials DO anything.

I make the assumption he has a pastime

“Fun?” he steps back a little, “Just the usual, I guess.”

“I mean, do you have a pastime, or a hobby—how do you fill your spare time?”

“Pastime? Hobby? Spare time?” he bristles.

Things have  gone off the tracks, already, it seems. I start to panic. Surely, there’s  something we have in common.

“What do you do for a side-hustle?’ I say, proud as heck for knowing this bit of Millennial slang.

Suddenly his face unclouds. He gives me a beautiful, smile—teeth so white they blind me. I recall my sister’s trips to the orthodontist.

“Chill,” he says, “I have a few things I do. Let’s see—I guess you could say I paint.”

“Good way to relax,” I say. “What’s your medium?”

“Latex, acrylic, turpentine,” He cracks up at my expression.

“Oh, you mean you paint walls, houses? Silly me,” I confess, “I thought you paint pictures…”

“Well, no, that would be cray, cray. I need the money,” He nods conspiratorially, “YOLO.”

There seems to be a great divide

“Sorry?” Our generation gap gaps wider.

“Oh,” He looks closer, noting my wrinkles, ” It means, ‘You Only Live Once.'”

A light comes on,”Oh yeah—YOLO. But what do you do for fun, I mean? Tennis, bridge, golf? Things like that…”

“Short answer,” he says, “I don’t. Do tennis, bridge and golf, that is. Don’t have the money, don’t have the time, don’t have the inclination…Plus, I need challenge.”

“But golf,” I persist, “There’s plenty of challenge in golf, it’s all ABOUT challenge, they say.”

He frowns. I think I have insulted him. But he has more:

“And do THEY say what you have to do to play? For tennis, you need a tennis court. My parents—who as you know I live with— don’t have one. For bridge, you need three other people as cray as you, and for golf, you need clubs, a membership, and a bunch of old rich guys to play with. The only people who do those things have, like, FOMO.”

At last, an acronym I know.

“Fear of Missing Out? But you are missing out!” I yell. People are looking at us, now.

“You are thumbing your nose at everything our culture values And besides, if you don’t learn some of these things, what will you do in retirement?”

“I can’t even.” he says, looking weary.

I’m reminded of another time…

I realize, suddenly, that nose-thumbing is the whole point—memories of tye dyed jeans, protests, and never trusting anyone over thirty spring to mind. And given his financial status, I could see that retirement might be out of the question. I feel a wave of empathy.

“So that makes it more like JOMO,” he says, in a superior tone, “Joy Of Missing Out—because, nobody I know would want to be a part of that gig.”

He moves away, ready to bolt, I think. Then he sees the spread, food laid out at a huge table at the other end of the room.

But first, he tosses me a crumb, “If you really want to know what Millennials do for fun,” he says, ticking them off on his fingers, ” There’s lots—texting, Netflix, hiking, snowboards, kayaking, cycling, bungee jumping, socializing…need more?”

Then he waves me over, and hands me a plate. (He hasn’t forgotten his manners after all.)

“Don’t know about you, but that table is calling me. I’m like, hangry. Gotta bounce, “

“Bye, Felicia.” he says, filling his plate, and moving away.

Legend:

• side-hustle: a passion or hobby that earns you extra money.
• chill: an up-dated version of ‘cool’
• cray: crazy, This party is going to get so cray, cray.”
• yolo: You only live once
• fomo: fear of missing out
• can’t even: The speaker is in a state of speechlessness, “This is so ironic, I can’t even…”
• jomo: Joy of missing out, “I didn’t want that, anyway.”
• gig: revival of the ‘Beat” term for job—a commitment you are free to walk away from.
• hangry: so hungry, I’m angry
• bounce: when you have to leave quickly
• Bye Felicia: Someone is leaving, and you don’t really care. A diss that only works if the person isn’t named Felicia.